What Magic Means
by PandaFire McMango
Summary: A series of little scenarios about Collins and Angel, set to a poem i wrote. Character death eventually, and yes, there is kissing. Lots of kissing. And that's what we read RENT fics for, right? Just kidding. Rated T for words and funful stuff...


**This is a new Collins/Angel story that i just like a lot. They are, after all, my favorite little babies! Anyhoodle, read on and review! Thansk a lot, btw, for everyone who has been reviewing me for so long, like aspirer and EloraCooper4 and **_  
_**MoowitMe324 and GorgeousSmile and Tina 101 and all them wonderful folks! I lurve you guys! Mwah!  
**

_It's hard to tell when you've got something special.  
Most people go their whole lives without realizing they've been blessed.  
But the lucky few know it better than anything else.  
They know what magic means._

She giggled as he sank onto the bed beside her, his face wide open and grinning, the folds of the coat he had not taken off rustling. She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow comically, as though daring him to make his purpose clear. He saw her face and laughed; she just looked so beautiful and funny and…content, all at the same time. With one hand, he took her shoulder and pulled her down onto her back, pulled her closer to him. He lay on his side beside her, and she raised the eyebrow again, this time casually poking him in the stomach. He flinched and sort of squealed; she giggled again, her hand coming to her mouth as she tried to stifle her glee.

"You're going to pay for that," he said quietly, baring his teeth. She made to poke him again, but he drew back this time.

"Doesn't sound too bad," she whispered, smiling slightly. He had to laugh again; but the laugh had barely escaped his lips before he leaned down and kissed her neck, his face fitting perfectly in the curve between her shoulder and her jaw. She shivered, but he knew she was still smiling.

For him, she was always smiling.

He kissed the soft brown skin almost reverently, and she turned her head slightly so he could have more room. But now he moved from her neck to her jaw, and then to her check, and then finally to her lips, softer and more beautiful, he felt, than anything else in this world. He kissed her gently at first, but then her hands were suddenly on his chest, moving upwards, sliding the coat off his shoulders, slipping underneath the collar of his shirt and pulling. A jolt of electricity, the best kind he had ever felt, crackled along his spine, and he kissed her more fiercely, hungrily. She kissed him back, one hand now pressing the back of his head down.

After a minute or two, she suddenly slipped out from under him, lay beside him now. But she didn't stay that way for long. With almost catlike movement, she climbed on top of him, straddled his pelvis and, her eyes never leaving his, began to unbutton his shirt.

_When you've got someone like her or someone like him  
It's easy to forget that the world can hold other people  
It's easy to forget that there is a world other than in their eyes  
But it isn't easy to forget that you know what magic means._

"Angel, he's fine, you know he won't want—"

"I don't care what Markie wants, I'm doing what's best for the little guy. And what's best is that he ash that scarf before it stiffens and strangles or it knocks the rest of us out with the smell." Collins rolled his eyes as Angel paid for the washing soap and thanked the vendor. Putting it into her pickle tub (which sat in its designated seat, under her arm), she took his hand and pulled him away, down the street. Collins rolled his eyes.

"You'll have to tie him down to make him give you that scarf." She giggled.

"I don't care. It's an act of consideration for him as well as an act of desperation for the rest of us." Collins snorted, but his thumb pressed into the palm of her hand, something he knew she loved. Shre glanced at him and smiled dazzlingly, and his heart flip-flopped.

Amazing. He had known her for more than half a year, and he still had that split second feeling faint whenever she smiled at him. But right now, he wasn't feeling faint. It welled up in his chest like water gushing from a tap; he loved and wanted her so much right now that it made his stomach hurt.

They were almost three blocks from the train station before he couldn't stand it anymore. With the hand that was holding hers, he pulled her over to the deserted brick building on the sidewalk beside them and pressed her against the wall, hands drifting to her hips. The pickle tub clattered to the ground, miraculously not spilling its contents.

"Collins, what are you doing?" she asked with wide eyes. As answer, he ducked his head and kissed the underside of her jaw. She made an obviously half-hearted attempt to pull away, but his hands tightened on her hips. He moved to her neck, gently traveling up and down. She shivered and said, "Collins, there are _people_ around here…c'mon, we can't—"

"Since when have you—" He kissed the area right below her ear. "—ever cared—" He brushed his lips across the soft skin at the top of her ear. "about _people_?" He took her earlobe in his mouth and pulled gently. She shivered again and started to say something, but he went back to kissing her neck, and the words died in her throat. After a moment, he felt her relax against him, and he smiled to himself. Collins moved to her lips, kissed her hard. Angel kissed him back, slipping her tongue into his mouth. Her hands hovered at his shoulders, gently pressing against him to keep her balance. All thoughts of _people_ (who, incidentally, were either pointedly ignoring or gawking at the couple) had promptly vanished from both minds. Inside, Collins smiled slightly as he thought of how her ear had tasted, and how soft it was. And especially how much he knew she liked it when he did that.

Worked every time.

_Now, when you've been lucky enough to blessed and to know it  
There's a part of the deal that most people never know about or understand.  
When your blessing starts to fade, when it flickers like a light about to die  
You start to forget what magic means._

"Collins, you need to sleep. You aren't helping her by—"

"I don't care, Mimi. I don't care about sleep, I'm dong fine without it. I'm the only one here all the time, and I've got to be awake for her. Why don't you get that?"

"Because it's lunacy. Angel is a big girl; she can be alone for a few hours at a time. And if she needs anything, there are nurses—"

"Fuck, Mimi, you know as well as I do that all they when they come to help is drug her; I don't want that, she doesn't want that. She hates it when they do that, and I'm not going to let me them hurt her!"

"Calm down, Collins. I'm not suggesting you abandon her; I'm just saying that you need to take of yourself, if not for yourself, then for her. And you would do anything for her, wouldn't you?" Collins turned away from Mimi in silence. Mimi, despite the fact that they had been speaking in hushed voices so as not wake Mimi, said louder, "Wouldn't you?"

"More than anything, Mimi you know that. But I know she needs me, here and awake. Don't you understand, I've see how scared she can be. I've seen how frightened she is for that split second that she wakes up and thinks she's alone. I can't do that to her' I just can't." Mimi sighed and touched his shoulder. He only gazed down at Angel sleeping peacefully in the hospital bed. She looked emaciated; although he made sure she ate every day. Her skin was pale, and almost papery. She was wasting away. The person who he loved so much it was like a constant ache, who he knew was the love of his life and the next…was dying.

"Look, Collins, you know I love you, and I only want you to do what's best for you." He smiled in spite of himself.

"Thanks, Mom."

"I'm serious. Don't hurt yourself; it'll only hurt her in turn. Think about that." She leaned down and kissed Angel's cheek, then kissed his. He smiled and squeezed her arm.

"I will, Mimi." She nodded, knowing he meant it. With a sigh, she grabbed her bag and went out of the door. Collins watched her leave. Then, when she was gone, he leaned down and, very gently, kissed Angel's forehead.

"I love you," he whispered. And even though she was asleep, he was sure that the corners of her mouth lifted in a tiny smile.

_And then there's a way to really root out those lucky few from the ordinary bunch.  
You take away their miracle; take away the thing that they lived for.  
You see if they break, if they hold, or if they don't even notice.  
You seen if they truly knew what magic meant._

His hands pressed gently on the hard wood of her coffin. It seemed so impossible; that underneath this thick lid, inside this square black box, was what had one been his Angel. In fact, it was impossible. Angel's body was not Angel; when she had left it, the body became only an object, a prop. It wasn't the person he had loved so much; it couldn't be. Oh God, it couldn't be…

Behind him he heard the footsteps as the others left him. They were letting him having his moment with his grief. They did that much for him at least. But he was sure that as soon s they were out of earshot, they'd start bitching at each other. He didn't need that, he couldn't handle it. The family that he _did_ need was breaking apart at the seams, and there was nothing he could do.

"Baby, I miss you," Collins whispered suddenly, his chest seizing up. The wood of the coffin was cold beneath his fingers. "You haven't been gone more than a week, but I miss you so much you wouldn't believe it. It's like there's a knife in me somewhere, digging in harder and harder and I can't get it out…do you have any idea how painful that is?" Instantly, he felt horrible. "I know you do, I know you've known worse…but baby, I love you so much and I always will, and that's what scares me so bad. Because…right now, life seems like there isn't any point in living without you, and right now, the only thing I want to do is see you one more time, even if I could never see the others again." He laughed, a harsh sound to his own ears. Up the hill, he could hear raised voices, but he ignored them.

"That's not right, is it, Ang? You wouldn't be like this if I had gone first…god, I wish that I had gone first." Collins felt a sob coming up, and he tried to stifle it, but it slipped out. All of a sudden, he was sobbing, tears running down his cheeks.

"Why'd you leave me, Angel? Why'd you leave me when I needed you most, when we all needed you most? How could you do that to me?" He pressed the heels of his hand against his eyes, expecting to see stars; but all he saw was Angel's face. "I love you, Angel, isn't that enough? Wasn't that enough to make you stay?" He leaned angst the coffin, gasping and crying. His attack went on for a few more minutes, and then finally he stopped. Standing up, he wiped his face with his sleeve and gazed down at the coffin.

"I'm sorry, Ang. I just miss you so much…but I can't stay here right now, because if I do, I'm going to do something that I'll regret. So…I'm going to be coming back, Angel. I love you." He kissed his fingertips and pressed them against the roses that Maureen had laid on the coffin. With a final shaky breath, he turned and headed up the hill.

_So what happens to those who have been tested and who have passed?  
Some begin life anew. Others live and die in the past.  
And then others sink into despair, where all they can do is shudder in pain.  
And then, there are a few, a tiny few, who have other blessings  
And who take comfort in those smaller favors.  
But none of them ever truly forget their miracle. No one ever truly forgets.  
None of them ever forget what magic means. _


End file.
